Pain in my heart~

...

Theres a pain in my heart that is craving..
Maybe Im not good enough to be their friends..
To hang out with them...

I think mostly it was my fault...
Emm.. No.. It is my fault no matter how you look at it and think about it..
I not a good friend to begin with..
I blame myself..

Yea.. I admit.. Im jealous..
Every time I saw their pictures,
Im jealous.. Because Im not there smiling with them..
Im not there laughing with them..

Im nobody..

I want to go back to the future.. Like before..
Happy times together with my friends..
Smiling, laughing, crying.. Together..

But its seems.. Quite impossible..
Im not as same as before..
Now,
I cant even catch what are they saying..
I dont even know what do they think..
How do they feel..

Its gone...

When I talk to them, it seems that I dont really know who are they anymore..

Before, I think I have so many friends..
But after loosing one of my best friend..
I realize that.. I dont have any friends..

Where are they? They gone..
The term 'friends'.. become so hard for me to give it to others..

'Friend' to me, is so valuable..
Its more like 'friends' is 'best friends'..
If I think you are my best friend, then yes you are my friend, and vice versa..

I know lots of people, but that dosent mean they are my friends..

Maybe when somebody ask me, I will answer, 'yea she/he is my friend'
But... Maybe they are not..

Thats my mistakes.. Because I dont think others as my friends..

Ive just think, 'someone that I know'..

Ohhh~ Im.. evil?

Yea~

Im sorry~.....

But no matter what,
If I know someone..
I care about them..

Even if they are not 'my friends'....

I still, care..

Nyte~